GliderIreland - Ireland RC Forum - Flying Model forum in Ireland

Club House => Humour => Topic started by: skyhawk newbie on February 12, 2011, 00:12:35 AM

Title: Does this sound familar?
Post by: skyhawk newbie on February 12, 2011, 00:12:35 AM

This was actually taken from a passport application and a member of staff copied it as it made her laugh all day.
 
Subject: Passport Application
 Dear Minister,

 I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to

 understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

 How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and

 telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in

 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on

 what date?

 How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every

 Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I

 have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you

 still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with

 contractors working for the government?

 How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am

 watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the

 government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will

 keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.

 Do you people do this by hand?

 You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one

 with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on

 my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports

 I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out

 before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and

 all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the

 electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our

 lords and masters are up for re-election.

 Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead

 on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was

 Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if

 that ever changed between now and the day I die!

 I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you

 and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then

 you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of

 Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin

 Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want

 to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of

 week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

 Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get

 another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to

 the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to

 have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new

 passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make

 sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with

 our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on

 the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile

 in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!

 Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

 I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years

 at the Ministry of Defence in London . I have had security clearances which

 allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime

 Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been

 doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the

 Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am --

 you know, someone like my doctor ...  

 who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN

 Yours sincerely,

 An Irate British Citizen.