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Club House => Humour => Topic started by: Happy Days on February 09, 2015, 09:01:45 AM

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: Happy Days on February 09, 2015, 09:01:45 AM

HAZARDOUS MATERIAL DATA SHEET

Analysis

Element:………..Woman
Symbol: ………..Wo
Discoverer: ……Adam
Atomic Mass:…..Average 55Kg has been known to vary from 45 - 255Kg
Occurrences:…..Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with trace elements found elsewhere.

Physical Properties

1. …..Surface is usually covered in power or painted film
2.……Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason
3.……Melts if given special treatment
4.……Bitter if incorrectly used
5.……Found in various grades from virgin material to common ore
6.……Yields to pressure applied gently to selected points.

Chemical Properties

1.….Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and most precious stones.
2.….Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
3.….May explode spontaneously without warning for no reason
4.….Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water
5.….Activity greatly increases with saturation in alcohol
6…..Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
 
Common Uses

1.….Highly ornamental
2.….Can be a great aid to relaxation

Tests

1.…..Pure specimen turn bright pink when discovered in its natural state
2.…..Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: billscottni on February 09, 2015, 11:25:01 AM

You're in deep s**t if Mandy sees this!

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: Happy Days on February 09, 2015, 14:08:52 PM

Sometimes I like to live dangerously, Bill. :lol:

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: billscottni on February 09, 2015, 21:09:08 PM

there's dangerous and then there's suicidal :lol:

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: Fred on February 13, 2015, 08:17:18 AM

You are a dead man!   :lol:

The forum is blocked on the wife's computer!  8)
And as far as she is concerned, I only have 2 gliders :)

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: Happy Days on February 13, 2015, 09:02:31 AM

Quote from: "Fred"

And as far as she is concerned, I only have 2 gliders :)

Like she’s gonna believe that! :roll:

She may be a woman but she’s not TOTALY stupid.

(It’s okay lads, I took a brave pill this morning…. :P )

Little Keith

Title: HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
Post by: Fred on February 13, 2015, 11:36:33 AM

You are double dead! She will kill you, and kill you again!

Careful now, the brave pills does not work for long! :)